Shoveling Sunshine & The Phoenix Process
Every year I get a pit in my stomach the first week of June. I start thinking about this week weeks and months in advance, unintentionally beginning an internal countdown. Next month, next week, tomorrow, today… marks the anniversary of my sister’s passing. Every year I put this enormous pressure on myself to honor her and her memory and this year has been no different when it comes to that pressure.
What is different about this year is what is happening around the country and world. As I write this we are in the midst of a global pandemic with racial tensions and riots at what I know to be an all time high, American cities are being militarized in an attempt to quell the overflowing emotions and tensions, Tiger King became a household name, and murder hornets. If anything could use a Phoenix Process it’s the year 2020.
I was introduced to the concept of The Phoenix Process by the spiritual leader Elizabeth Gilbert. Elizabeth describes the Phoenix Process like this:
You and I are the Phoenix. Our lives ask us to die and to be reborn every time we confront change—change within our self and change in our world. When we descend all the way down to the bottom of a loss, and dwell patiently, with an open heart, in the darkness and pain, we can bring back up with us the sweetness of life and the exhilaration of inner growth. When there is nothing left to lose, we find the true self—the self that is whole, the self that is enough, the self that no longer looks to others for definition, or completion, or anything but companionship on the journey.
The Phoenix Process is a journey that is different for everyone, and therefore, ultimately, it is a trek into uncharted territory. It is unhelpful to compare one person's journey to another's—all are different, and one is not more profound or important than another. Very painful situations—the loss of a loved one, a serious illness, a national tragedy—have the power to transform one's life, but so do less traumatic events. It's all in the way we approach the changing nature of life; it's all in the courage to say yes to whatever comes our way; it's in the way we listen for the messages in the flames and dig for the treasure in the ashes.
Rules of the Phoenix Process
1. Change is the nature of life, and nothing changes without loss, which is a form of death. Death therefore is a prerequisite to change and rebirth. Loss and change, death and rebirth: These are natural, necessary cycles. No one can escape loss and death. Pretending otherwise is exhausting and a huge waste of time. To resist change, loss or death is to say no to life.
2. It's not easy to participate consciously with change, loss or death. More often than not, we would like to stay asleep to the whole subject. It hurts to lose and to change; it causes us grief. But grief is not a sign of anything being wrong, nor is it a sign of weakness. In fact, grief in the face of loss lubricates the wheels of change. Denial and bitterness are like sticks stuck in the spokes of the wheel; they render us motionless. When we turn toward what is changing—when we keep our hearts open and allow ourselves to feel a loss all the way through—we move with more grace into a new, energetic and constructive phase of life.
3. We can transform loss into growth, change into insight and suffering into joy if we turn and face that which frightens us most about ourselves and our changing circumstances. This takes courage. We may find aspects of our personality that need altering. We may find parts of our lives that can no longer remain the same. We may have to upset old family patterns, adjust ways of thinking, let go of habits. Part of the Phoenix Process is asking for help, learning new ways of doing things, seeking inspiration. We need help to learn how to take the suffering deep inside and to make the process an interior one. As long as we blame others—another person, an institution, a relationship—for our faltering lives, there is little chance of transformation, little hope that we will be reborn as the powerful self that we really are.
Read more: http://www.oprah.com/own-super-soul-sunday/the-phoenix-process-elizabeth-lesser/all#ixzz6OSauNNU8
After experiencing the loss of my sister in 2013 I did descend all the way to the bottom of my loss but I did not stay there with patience and an open heart. I stayed there with anger, sadness, and resentment. I had just moved back to Key West and while I had friends and family calling and checking in, sending care packages and texts, the grief that I was experiencing was all consuming and very lonely. The loneliness would eventually lead me to some tough decisions. I could either continue down a path of destruction, drinking and sadness or I could put the work in, become a student of myself, and change the course. Elizabeth Gilbert and the book Broken Open laid the foundation for what I would now call my own phoenix process.
On October 11th 2013, while walking Skyy down Angela Street I made a decision to step out of the shadow of my grief and pain and begin to heal. I vividly remember the moment. I became a student of myself. I listened. I studied. I opened my mind and body to new experiences and opinions. I got up early and got outside. I took the tint off my apartment windows and let the light in. I said my affirmations out loud everyday to the mirror, even when I felt stupid for doing it. I became committed to my mediation practice and to listening to the leaders on Super Soul Sunday. I didn’t just listen. I took notes, I studied, and I put the lessons I was learning into practice. I began to heal my heart.
If you ask my long time friends and family they will tell you I am a completely different person than I was in the first chapter of my life and I know in my soul that my phoenix process is a result of “listening to the messages in the flames and finding treasure in the ashes.” I believe what Maya Angelou says when she was quoted saying “when you know better you do better”. I know better than I did 10 years ago, better than I did last week, and better than I did this morning.
I started this Shoveling Sunshine journey from the kitchen island of my tiny studio apartment on Frances Street as an outlet for my grief. I found that by tuning in to myself and approaching life from love, light, and optimism was far easier than choosing sadness, anger, and resentment. I figured if I could carve a path to peace and positivity for at least one person who might be struggling it would be worth it. I had no idea what I was doing (still kind of don’t) and worked for an entire weekend to create a basic Wordpress site (which BTW I am convinced is the MySpace of websites/ blogging. While versatile WordPress and all it’s widgets, plug ins, and embed codes is confusing as hell to a mid-30’s millennial that would rather spend an entire weekend teaching herself the equivalent of a foreign language than ask for help.)
6 years later here we are, over 12,000 views in over 25 different countries. Today, on the anniversary of my sister’s passing I want to honor her memory by debuting my passion project that she inspired. It seems like an oxymoron that one of the worst days of your life could inspire a life full of best days but that is what happened. The loss forced me out of my comfort zone which is where the real change and work began. Last fall I reached out to a dream team to talk about taking Shoveling Sunshine to the next level. Then I got scared and I once again put the project on the backburner. It was easier for me to postpone than to share my vision with the world, because… Imposter Syndrome. Who am I to tell someone how to lead a life of positivity? So I put it off until 2020. Then until the end of Q1. And then, COVID happened and I could no longer use the excuse of having no time, I had all the time in the world because the world basically stopped.
So here it is Shoveling Sunshine enthusiasts! This site underwent it’s own phoenix process this year and the results are in! As we head into the next chapter of Shoveling Sunshine I’m excited to see what the future will hold and the different paths to positivity unfold. My vision for Shoveling Sunshine has always been a place to inspire and promote positivity in our every day lives. According to Buddy the Elf, the best way to spread cheer is for singing loud for all to hear. So please friends, sing the praises of Shoveling Sunshine and share this blog with your friends and family and let’s continue to grow and inspire together. Cheers!