"Unlocking" The 50/50 Myth
Yesterday I listened to a podcast called Unlocking Us by Brené Brown that I wanted to share because it very timely and I believe something we need to hear right about now. People are suffering, if not from the COVID infection directly then definitely by emotional toll this pandemic is causing. We are already sick of Zoom calls and the phrase “social distancing”. We are anxious. We are wondering when we will see the light at the end of the tunnel and if things will ever go “back to normal”. We are scared.
This particular episode of Unlocking Us that I listened to yesterday gave some really great tools for dealing with the overwhelm. In my 20’s I would have defined a relationship or partnership or even friendship as both people putting in 100% effort, 100% of the time. Now, in my ripe old age of 35 (soon to be 36) I would say that I’ve taken a different stance, one more like the one this podcast was talking about.
A relationship or partnership should be both people, working to achieve 100% as a team. And here’s one of the most powerful takeaways I got from the episode:
Strong lasting relationships are rarely 50/50. Because life does not work that way. Strong lasting relationships happen when your partner or friend or whoever you are in relationship with can pony up that extra 80% when you are down to 20%. And that your partner knows that when things fall apart for her, and she only has 10% to give, you can show up with your 90. Even if it’s only for a limited amount of time.
BOOM. Read that one more time.
I mean honestly, if I’m at a 20 and my partner comes home and says to me, “Listen, I know you’re at a 20, don’t worry, I’ve got your 80.” Talk dirty to me.
But what happens when you are at a 10 and your partner is at a 40. How do you make up the other 50% to get to the 100% goal? Well, that’s where the “gap plan” comes in. You and your partner and/ or family make a plan on things you can do to help get each other to the 100% together, as a team. This could look like:
Sleep 8 hours a night
Pomodoro Power Clean*
Move your body. Exercise.
Eat Well.
Daily Family Dog Walks.
Mediation.
No harsh words.
Apologize, say you’re sorry.
Accept apologies with thank you.
These are just my cliff notes from one part of the episode, and to be honest I’m not quite sure why this is so mind blowing for me because it makes perfect sense. I absolutely love the way Brené packages and explains these concepts and I’d highly recommend listing to this episode & podcast in its entirety, link below.
Brené on Comparative Suffering, the 50/50 myth, and Settling the Ball
I challenge to you figure out your number AND communicate it to your partner/ family/ friends. Then work together to develop a gap plan that works for you. It’s crucial during this time that we show up for each other in not only our relationships and partnerships but for our friendships as well. Check on your loved ones. A text or phone call can make someone’s day and have a tremendous ripple effect. I hope everyone is staying safe, sending love and light from The Southernmost City, cheers!
*Pomodoro Power Clean is a technique that Ed and I came up with and use to tackle the task of cleaning in our home. It’s how my partner and I share